Here's what we're told - Greece's economy blew apart because a bunch of olive-spitting, ouzo-guzzling, lazy-arse Greeks refuse to put in a full day's work, retire while they're still teenagers, pocket pensions fit for a pasha, and they've gone on a social services spending spree using borrowed money.
Now that the bill is due and the Greeks have to pay with higher taxes and cuts in their big, fat welfare state, they run riot, screaming in the streets, busting windows and burning banks.
I don't buy it. I don't buy it because of the document in my hand marked "Restricted distribution."
I'll cut to the indictment - Greece is a crime scene. The people are victims of a fraud, a scam, a hustle and a flim-flam. And - cover the children's ears when I say this - a bank named Goldman Sachs is holding the smoking gun.
In 2002, Goldman Sachs secretly bought up €2.3 billion in Greek government debt, converted it all into yen and dollars, then immediately sold it back to Greece.
Goldman took a huge loss on the trade. Is Goldman that stupid?
Goldman is stupid - like a fox. The deal was a con, with Goldman making up a phoney-baloney exchange rate for the transaction.
Why? Goldman had cut a secret deal with the Greek government in power then.
Its game? To conceal a massive budget deficit. Goldman's fake loss was the Greek government's fake gain.
Goldman would get repayment of its "loss" from the government at loan-shark rates.
The point is, through this crazy and costly legerdemain, Greece's right-wing free-market government was able to pretend its deficits never exceeded 3 per cent of GDP.
Cool. Fraudulent but cool.
But flim-flam isn't cheap these days. On top of murderous interest payments, Goldman charged the Greeks over a quarter-billion dollars in fees.
When the new Socialist government of George Papandreou came into office, it opened up the books and Goldman's bats flew out.
Investors went berserk, demanding monster interest rates to lend more money to roll over this debt.
Greece's panicked bondholders rushed to buy insurance against the nation going bankrupt.
The price of the bond-bust insurance, called a credit default swap (or CDS), also shot through the roof.
Who made a big pile selling the CDS insurance? Goldman.
And those rotting bags of CDSs sold by Goldman and others? Didn't they know they were handing their customers gold-painted turds?
That's Goldman's specialty. In 2007, at the same time banks were selling suspect CDSs and CDOs - packaged sub-prime mortgage securities - Goldman held a "net short" position against these securities.
That is, Goldman was betting its financial "products" would end up in the toilet.
Goldman picked up another half a billion dollars on its "net short" scam.
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